Brev’s post sticks his list of goals to get Muki↓

Everybody and their mother has told me that I must be insane to get a puppy when I already have so much chaos in my life but I disagree. I really can’t imagine raising three boys without ever giving them the opportunity to learn what it is like to take care of something that they can call their own.

The boys have no doubt that their daddy absolutely, unequivocally does not want a furry beast in our house to add to the mayhem and so I have enlisted their help to create a motivational chart of chores where they can record all of their hard earned work with the ultimate goal of raising 250 points, all for the love of Muki.

In providing this opportunity for them to succeed I have discovered the golden key to success. The points can only be obtained if they work collaboratively with each one helping the other to complete their task. They can get as many points as they want in a day and it does not matter what chores they choose and all of the points are based on an honor system. We also came up with a list of bad behavior that will work against them if they get an X.

Already, the boys have completely changed their attitudes and have been working their tails off, so to speak, to convince us that they will work hard once Muki arrives. “Yes mommy,” Axel says whenever I ask him to do something. “Did I just get an X?” Tucker asks after he has a little melt down over getting his shoes on.

The other night Brevitt was up late with me cleaning the kitchen and he said, “I feel so weird that I am helping you so much.” I agreed that it felt strange but wonderful that I had him as a companion to help me around the house.

I’m thinking that if we all whipped our children into shape the future will be filled with conscientious and capable adults who understand the importance of teamwork and helping others.

If a dog is not what you had in mind,  find something else that the kids will consider worth working for; a trip somewhere different, a massive sleepover, ice cream for breakfast for a week.

It is true that they are driving us crazy with their complete obsession with the chart but the benefits make up for all of the annoyances.

It was the other night, when I was like the walking dead after only five hours of sleep, that I truly realized that I had tapped into an incredible solution to my daily frustrations.

I told the boys that I needed to go to bed and watched as they bustled around me cleaning up the house before they retired with me. Tucker emerged from the bathroom with his pants down on his ankles and asked, “Which brudder wants to wipe my bottom?” and both Brevitt and Axel ran over to help him and get a point.

Now the most common question is what happens when Muki actually arrives on the scene in the spring? I guess the answer is that I will have to come up with more goals, as giving them an allowance causes fierce competitiveness and more fighting.

We’ll take each step as it comes but for now the house is a whole lot tidier and my workload has decreased significantly, making me a much happier mommy.

Most of us don’t wear pointy, golden brassieres or sexy tight cat suits so it may not be so obvious but I am convinced that all mothers are either Super Hero’s or Goddesses. Personally, I am far from being Helen of Troy or Hestia I feel as though I am more of a cross between Hera and Aphrodite with a little Medusa thrown in.

In the past three months my superhuman powers have reached dangerously high toxic levels as I managed to  survive four birthdays, an attempted anniversary celebration and Halloween. Throw in a few child medical emergencies, struggling finances, a bronchial cold that nearly killed me and the full moon and there you have it, Goddess extraordinaire straight out of Greek Mythology. Like the Goddesses I have accepted my fate laced with imperfections and obstacles that I must overcome.

I read an article in the New York Times that said that screaming is the new spanking and I couldn’t relate more. The boys have a difficult time settling down in the evenings and the crazier they get the louder Wade and I become with our shouting. Yes, I know that yelling at your children is ineffective, most of the time, and only causes them to withdraw but I honestly feel that sometimes they need a little shout for them to actually hear my message.

On a good day I am an Opera singer, hitting a high note and holding it until they stop their monkeying around to curiously find out what the hell is making more noise then they are. On a recent predominantly bad day, I was less attractive in my mode of discipline. I had absolutely had enough of being manipulated by my incredibly obnoxious wild things and so I yelled out, “How much do you think that mommy and daddy will take of this behavior before we decide to move out?”

Let me explain for a moment. The impetus for this comment was the children’s book, The Willoughby’s, by Lois Lowry and the excerpt that I cannot seem to shake is the following:

“Dearest?”

“Yes, dearest?”

“Do you like our children?”

“Oh, no,” Mrs. Willoughby said, “I never have. Especially that tall one. What is his name again?”

“Hes’ the one I least like. But the others are awful too. The girl whines incessantly”.

“I have a plan,” Mr. Willoughby said, “It’s thoroughly despicable.”

“Lovely”, said his wife. “A plan for what?”

“To rid us of the children.”

“Oh goodness, do we have to walk them into a dark forest? I don’t have the right shoes for that.”

“No, this is a better plan. More business like.”

“Ooooh, goody. I’m all ears,” she replied with a malevolent smile.

I felt badly when all three boys broke down into tears after I said it and I tried to explain my outburst individually to each child. I was stroking my middle child, Axel’s, soft hair and looking down at his sweet face when he asked, “Why would you ever leave us?”

I wanted to jump out of the window for failing so miserably as a mother. Why couldn’t I have delivered my message without upsetting them so? I told him that enough was enough and that they needed to give their daddy and I the respect that we deserved as parents and calm down when it was time for bed.

If only I truly were a Goddess, I could cause a mini cyclone as a warning in the midst of their rough housing or maybe I am a Goddess and haven’t fully tapped into it yet. After all, I have been known to be fierce, loving, warrior like, sexual and even narcissistic at times.

So, move over Zeus and make a well deserved seat for me on Mount Olympus and while you’re at it hand me over one of your lightening bolts.

I guess that I didn’t have Swine Flu after all. I had all the symptoms without the fever. It raged through me for two days and then it was gone but not without affecting Axel. After reading my last post I realized that it sounds negligent for me to have my boys cuddled up to me when I was sick. What I didn’t point out is that it is close to impossible to keep little ones away from their mothers, sick or not.

My little nurturer must not have washed his hands carefully enough after trying to nurse his mommy back to health and he went down hard over the weekend, which happened to be Wade and my eleventh year anniversary.

I had it all arranged, my good friend Suzanne was going to take all three boys for a sleepover and Wade and I were going to bike up to Ashcroft, where we got married. We were going to lay low after that, since I was still recovering, and go see the film, (500) Days of Summer which was playing at the Crystal Theatre in Carbondale, our favorite place to watch films.

Wade came down to my office and sang happy anniversary to me in his heightened caffeinated state. I tend to ignore him when he is amped up on coffee but this was our anniversary after all and so I gave him a lustful look and promised intimacy just as soon as I finished completing my Children’s Picture Book.

We were about to open up our presents and cards when Axel appeared at the top of the stairs looking frail and spent from a night of coughing. His breathing was belabored and he was fading fast. Wade and I exchanged knowing glances and switched gears.

Axel and I rushed to the doctors before they closed. They gave Axel a mask and we watched the Doctor rush in and out of tiny rooms shouting out, “flu swab in room 3”. We were put in our own little room for an hour and a half and read the measly selection of childrens books that they supplied while dousing our hands with antibacterial soap after every page. Normally I remember to bring our own book but was unprepared this time.

As parents we become very adept at changing our mindsets and expectations. It didn’t matter to me that it was once again the most beautiful day of the year. It didn’t even matter that I had lost yet another day alone with my husband. What mattered the most was that my child was ill and I needed to do all that I could to make him better.

The next day I ran into my neighbor who once was told by a psychic that she was a healer and this I believe. I thought I was doing all that I could to help Axel with home made chicken noodle soup, humidifiers, Slippery Elm tea, salt spray and gargling salt water at night but there is always more one can do.

My neighbor truly understands the healing value of foods, herbs and oils and she loaned me a book that she uses as her bible when her children get sick titled, Gentle Healing for Baby and Child by Master Herbalist Andrea Candee with David Andrusia. The other book that came recommended to me was Healing Healthy: A Guide to Self-Healing for Everyone by Linda Page.

It is a desperate feeling to be a parent with an ailing child and now that Axel is on the mend I intend to thoroughly read these books and delve into the world of natural healing with oils and healthy food.

As for Wade and I, I guess we’ll take a rain check!