I guess that I didn’t have Swine Flu after all. I had all the symptoms without the fever. It raged through me for two days and then it was gone but not without affecting Axel. After reading my last post I realized that it sounds negligent for me to have my boys cuddled up to me when I was sick. What I didn’t point out is that it is close to impossible to keep little ones away from their mothers, sick or not.

My little nurturer must not have washed his hands carefully enough after trying to nurse his mommy back to health and he went down hard over the weekend, which happened to be Wade and my eleventh year anniversary.

I had it all arranged, my good friend Suzanne was going to take all three boys for a sleepover and Wade and I were going to bike up to Ashcroft, where we got married. We were going to lay low after that, since I was still recovering, and go see the film, (500) Days of Summer which was playing at the Crystal Theatre in Carbondale, our favorite place to watch films.

Wade came down to my office and sang happy anniversary to me in his heightened caffeinated state. I tend to ignore him when he is amped up on coffee but this was our anniversary after all and so I gave him a lustful look and promised intimacy just as soon as I finished completing my Children’s Picture Book.

We were about to open up our presents and cards when Axel appeared at the top of the stairs looking frail and spent from a night of coughing. His breathing was belabored and he was fading fast. Wade and I exchanged knowing glances and switched gears.

Axel and I rushed to the doctors before they closed. They gave Axel a mask and we watched the Doctor rush in and out of tiny rooms shouting out, “flu swab in room 3”. We were put in our own little room for an hour and a half and read the measly selection of childrens books that they supplied while dousing our hands with antibacterial soap after every page. Normally I remember to bring our own book but was unprepared this time.

As parents we become very adept at changing our mindsets and expectations. It didn’t matter to me that it was once again the most beautiful day of the year. It didn’t even matter that I had lost yet another day alone with my husband. What mattered the most was that my child was ill and I needed to do all that I could to make him better.

The next day I ran into my neighbor who once was told by a psychic that she was a healer and this I believe. I thought I was doing all that I could to help Axel with home made chicken noodle soup, humidifiers, Slippery Elm tea, salt spray and gargling salt water at night but there is always more one can do.

My neighbor truly understands the healing value of foods, herbs and oils and she loaned me a book that she uses as her bible when her children get sick titled, Gentle Healing for Baby and Child by Master Herbalist Andrea Candee with David Andrusia. The other book that came recommended to me was Healing Healthy: A Guide to Self-Healing for Everyone by Linda Page.

It is a desperate feeling to be a parent with an ailing child and now that Axel is on the mend I intend to thoroughly read these books and delve into the world of natural healing with oils and healthy food.

As for Wade and I, I guess we’ll take a rain check!

Yesterday I went with the boys to get their flu shots and to catch up on well check appointments where they got reminded that candy is not ok and veggies matter. Brevitt is in the 90th percentile for height and 50th percentile for weight, my tall skinny kid.

As the boys sat there whimpering about their shots I slowly felt myself crumbling into an achy, shivering mess. Brevitt’s good friend had just had Swine Flu and his mother told me that I had all the symptoms.

I begged for the Doctor to test me but she declined my request stating that I was not eligible for diagnosis since I was not over 65, didn’t have asthma, or heart or lung disease, wasn’t a diabetic and was not obviously in need of emergency care, “yeah not yet you incompetent fool”, I thought to myself! I imploringly asked her what the logic of that was? Wouldn’t it make more sense to test those that have the symptoms so that they don’t innocently walk around infecting the world? After all the hype about THE DREADED SWINE FLU I was in disbelief that they weren’t locking me up in chains and throwing me into the flu contamination room to be quarantined.

Later that evening, Wade was gone on his manly Wednesday night bike ride and the kids immediately saw an open window recognizing that I was in no condition to parent them. We all agreed that a movie was in order, regardless that it was a school night. We may not watch a whole lot of television in our house but we are passionate about our movies, even Tucker  sits through the most sophisticated of movies asking sweet, innocent questions that I try to discourage by teaching him that movies are sacred and must not be interrupted.

We put on the movie and snuggled in together. Axel’s hand was on my forehead, Tucker was draped across my lap and Brevitt’s big puppy dog body was sprawled out on the only coach in the room. My throat was on fire, my body ached and my nose was quickly draining every last bit of mucus out of my body but I was happy to be with my boys in a dark room watching a Hugh Grant flick that my mother had recommended. I was to sick to worry that the content may not be appropriate. Even though I adore my mother and I cannot see a movie or open a book without calling her for the review, her choices, at times, have been questionable like when Axel came home after an evening at his cousins house with Grandma and told me that they had watched a movie about a little boy who sees dead people.

Wade came home at the stroke of midnight to find me wide awake with the shivers worrying that either he had hit another tree and was laying unconscious in the cold wilderness or, even worse, was having an affair. He laughed at me when I told him that I was dying from the Swine Flu while he was out cavorting.

When we first got married I told him that I never wanted to be a burden on the family if I became a vegetable. We agreed that unless he felt a signal from me to show that I was somewhat with it he could let my lifeline go but if I lightly squeezed his hand once it meant keep me going. If I squeezed his hand twice it meant that I loved him and was still cognizant and if I blinked my eyes and squeezed his hand it meant don’t even think of leaving me.

Our joke now is that he confuses the signals. As he walked out of the room last night he bent his head back around the corner and asked, “wait, does one squeeze mean pull the plug?”

We all know that there is a huge difference between men and women when they get sick and Wade’s interpretation was revealed when he called to check in on me today. “Are you resting”, he asked full well knowing the answer. He told me that I was very funny last night preparing for my untimely death. He mocked me in his fake British accent, “I just need to set up the 529 plan for the boys so that they can go to college before I pass”. He pointed out that when he gets sick he sleeps until the sickness goes away but when I get sick I pay the bills, make the meals and make sure that all my ducks are in a row in the mere chance that I may have to go to the hospital for an unlimited amount of time.

Arriving at school incognito I saw my reflection in the window and was mortified to see that I looked like I just left my gang to pick up my kid with my aviator glasses, knit hat, holey jeans, Converse sneakers and huge boyfriend sweater. I slinked away observing all the other well dressed mothers in their knit kilts, high boots and stylish sweaters. The boys and I went home to watch another movie and drink hot cups of tea.

I am grateful that I don’t get sick more often but what I am truly most grateful for is Netflix and kids who love movies!

I am wondering how many parents are like me in their inability to keep up to date on political issues. It is frustrating to say the least, to not have the time to listen to the news or to read the newspapers and whenever I do get the chance to get better informed I usually wind up either in tears and angry from reality or completely confused.

Listening to educated people is my alternative and I try to listen to all sides so that I can make my own opinions. One of the most important topics right now is Obama’s Healthcare Reform Plan and I could not hold an intelligent conversation about it to save my life so I went to a meeting on Organizing for Health Care to get better informed.

As I hobbled with my broken toe into the remarkably beautiful Aspen home with a view of Aspen Highlands looming outside the kitchen window. I felt like a fish out of water and proceeded to gobble down some fellow shrimp that were served on a platter and decided to listen only and keep my mouth shut for once.

The keynote speaker was Dr. Pramenko, a family physician from Grand Junction, Colorado. Grand Junction has one of the lowest-cost, highest-quality heath care systems in the country comparable to The Mayo Clinic and Kaiser Permanents. It has an accountable-care organization where the leading doctors and the hospital system adopted measures to blunt harmful financial incentives and took collective responsibility for improving the sum total of patient care.

This approach has been adopted in other places and all have produced enviably higher quality and lower costs than the average American town enjoys.

The first question that Dr. Pramenko asked was why anybody would want this relentless momentum of no change. It is true that Health Care does not work so why would people prefer to keep this system and allow our nation’s balance sheet to continue to skyrocket the cost of health care?

Dr. Pramenko, cited in The New Yorker in a June 1^st article http://www.newyorker.com/reporting/2009/06/01/090601fa_fact_gawande, said that there are three tenants to the plan that make it worth fighting for:

1. Universal Access
2. Choice
3. Cost Control

The second speaker was Sheri Cogley, a regional Field Director for Organizing for America, and she made the point that President Obama is staking his entire Presidency on Health Care Reform. Why would he risk serving only one term unless he believed that America needed a change?

The fact is that we are the only country that does not provide health insurance to it’s people and consequently there are more than 46 million Americans who are without health insurance.

My questions are:

Why wouldn’t we want to drive quality and control costs with a more efficient plan?

Why would we want to stand the risk of getting dropped by our insurance company when we are sick and need it the most?

Why wouldn’t we want to get rid of pre-existing conditions?

What convinces me the most that we need a change is that 70% of the people that support the bill today are Doctors, Nurses and Hospitals. Clearly, they are the ones who have the knowledge of how badly the system needs to change. It seems to me that we should pay attention to the experts.

On my way back to the car I decided that I can no longer be an innocent bystander. If this plan does not get passed than I will be guilty of letting my ignorance preclude me from helping to make our country a better place to live in.

I am very interested to hear why you, my readers, are for or against Health Care Reform. Please put your answers in the comments section of my Blog and I will do what I can to learn from all of you, whether you are for or against the plan.