Two years ago I sat my husband and three boys down and informed them that never, ever again will I endure the deep disappointment of each uneventful special occasion. And furthermore, I added, just because my birthday falls on May 9th does not allow you to, “cleverly”, lump my birthday and Mother’s Day into one whole.

As I paced up and down amongst my handsome brood I told them what a woman/mom expects from a man/son and how there was no time like the present to start practicing on me. They looked at me with wide-eyed expressions trying to understand what I was talking about. What was this romance babble?

I decided that in order to get the attention I deserved I had to train them better. Now a few days prior to each occasion, I give them the warning and a list of things that I would like to have happen.

I have since discovered that the boys respond well to inspiration. Yesterday, we bought art supplies together, looked up Jim Dine’s hearts and they burst into action to create Valentine’s Day cards. Their creations were incredible. My nine year old wrote a letter to his grandparents that made me cry, I never cry!

Who knows what my husband will do for me this Valentines Day. He has been made quite aware that he must not bring me flowers on the day that I would most expect it, if he gives me chocolates he will get reprimanded for trying to fatten me up and that a single card will bring on silence.

Hopefully, my sons will convince him to surprise me with a night stay in a luxurious hotel, rose petals in the bed and a bottle of champagne chilling in a bucket. Most likely I will get a wet kiss, a card and a lecture that he shows his love to me in other ways. I know this is true but most definitely unacceptable!