My oldest sister Melanie-Mouse, of whom I completely adore and admire, did not read my blog for an entire year. But knowing that her life is so much more interesting than mine, I was okay with that. Then something happened, she read my post, A Letter From My Ten Year Old, and she felt the need to go back and read 160 missed posts all at once.

Now Melanie has become an integral part of my blog, commenting on and bringing humor to every post I write, making sure to reveal the truth about who I am lest I not paint the full picture. The best part of it all is that Melanie is doing something that she should have begun years ago but didn’t because she was inhibited by her Dyslexia and her inability to learn how to use spell check. The thing is that Melanie is a great writer, regardless of the misspelled words and grammatical errors, and she is far funnier and more interesting than I could ever aspire to be. She is also encouraging me to break out of my safety zone and be more true to my writing, which begins with this post.

As far as I can remember, Melanie has considered herself the “Black Sheep of the Family,” a label  I never quite understood. In my eyes she was a funny, beautiful, smart Princess adored by all. She does fall in love with the worst men on this planet who put the Baa into “Black Sheep” and I want to slap some sense into her when she calls me sobbing on the phone to tell me that she doesn’t understand why she got dumped again by another good for nothing man who loves his beer more than her. Michele and I insist that her next boyfriend must pass inspection by us before she takes another leap into the Underworld.

Melanie called me this morning after a weekend spent with Eddie Veder in New Orleans and I surprised both of us by breaking into tears and spewing out a litany of my despair, “I was horribly cruel to Axel this morning when he put two different colored socks on and dumped his backpack upside down, Wade and I have to put our house on the market, my mother-in-law’s father passed away last week, I drank a bottle of red wine by myself last night while I cut all of the boys hair and I am realizing that friends who I thought cared really don’t give a rats ass about me and I am about to get older on Sunday.” Melanie became my oldest sister again telling me that all would be alright and that all mother’s have mean moments and that it wasn’t good to drink a bottle of wine by myself and that sometimes friends can be completely disappointing and that I shouldn’t have such high expectations and that no matter how old I am she will always be older and that all made me feel a whole lot better.

The thing is, I am quite aware that some people see me as being an over privileged person who deserves this fate and that our situation is so much better than the masses of people who are losing their jobs and their homes but that doesn’t prohibit me from wanting to scream bloody murder and run away from it all.

But I won’t back down and I shan’t have a “pity party”, as one anti-fan once said, even if I can’t make enough money to supplement Wade’s income and stop us from having to sell our dream house and even if I can’t stop people from polluting our world with unforgivable oil spills and even if I can’t stop global warming and cyclones and Tsunami’s and earthquakes and hurricanes and world hunger and poverty and disease and even if I can’t prevent the deaths and the hatred, I can still keep this world from draggin’ me down and I won’t back down.

Well I won’t back down, no I won’t back down
You can stand me up at the gates of hell
But I won’t back down

Verse 2
Gonna stand my ground, won’t be turned around
And I’ll keep this world from draggin’ me down
Gonna stand my ground and I won’t back down

Chorus
Hey baby, there ain’t no easy way out
Hey I will stand my ground and I won’t back down

Verse 3
Well I know what’s right, I got just one life
In a world that keeps on pushin’ me around
But I stand my ground and I won’t back down

Chorus
Hey baby, there ain’t no easy way out
Hey I will stand my ground and I won’t back down
No I won’t back down.

I’m not going to sugar coat it, I love giving…and receiving… gifts. In this tough economy we all could use more love and gifts but I have to become more creative with my ideas.

In the past month I have received two awards from friends in my social networking world which have brightened up my day. The first, The Circle of Friends Award came from Tara. With this award I need to list five things about myself.

I have been so wrapped up in my children that I have had not one second over the holidays to think about my quirky attributes and what could I tell you that you don’t already know? So, instead I will share with you my New Years Resolutions that are far more revealing:

1. Search for more music. To calm the chaos, I will fix the stereo in our house and build my library, for Brevitt and I are nothing without music.

2. Practice more yoga and dance more. I used to think that I was a laid back person, people always asked me if I was from California. It seems that I have changed into a worrier.

3. Be more organized and focused on the children. No more anger and frustration only humor and patience.

4. Get established as a local travel writer and finish my book.

5. Live life through love and be more tolerant of my mother of whom I adore.

My other award, The Lovely Blog Award, came from my new friend Naomi who is a devoted member of my Aspiring Writers Club on MBC. This is the second time that I have received this award which is making me feel quite lovely at the moment despite my battle with the evil pull of the blue moon  and the freezing days spent with children who refuse to go outside.

In honor of my desire to focus more on the boys, I will not produce a new list but invite you to visit my post written back in October that lists my favorite blogs.

I’ll also leave you with an incredible project called A River Blue. Joseph Arthur and Chandler Griffin became aware of children’s choirs that were being established at IDP (internally -displaced persons) camps in northern Ugunda and set up awareness, fundraising and outreach activities in the US for this organization.

The song that is played on the highlighted link above was sent to the camps for the children to practice and whenever I hear it I get the chills.

Happy Holidays!!!

I was sitting at my desk numbly staring at my computer screen trying to break my way through the hump I was in when Wade came in and dumped the mail onto my desk.

Sticking out in the middle of the mundane pile of bills and catalogs was a small blue envelope addressed to me. My heart fluttered as it always does when something special comes in the mail. With the convenience of email, letters have become passe and it is rare that somebody reaches out to me by mail. I opened it immediately.

I read the words on the card and as my eyes filled with tears of wonder at how my friend Gretchen could capture me so completely a smile spread across my face and my storm began to pass.  The card was of a girl playing on her bicycle, sending her cares to the wind and it read, “I am fairly certain that given a Cape and a nice tiara, I could save the world.”

Friends are like that, surprising you when you least expect it, quoting something you said years ago that made them laugh or delivering to you a small silver platter with a sweet little silver salt shaker, hard boiled eggs and your favorite cherry tomatoes while on a river trip, as Gretchen did to me.   “These are for you, my little Princess”, she said handing me the platter, once again filling my heart with love and kindness.

I would be nothing without my friends who keep me grounded reminding me to look for the small ingredients in life to make my life richer.

Friendship had a different meaning before I had my family. My friends were my family and my expectations and demands were higher. But the friends that I had before I got married are all still with me and the beauty lies within the relationships that have formed between our children and our husbands.

Like a marriage, as our friendships mature we learn to accept and even appreciate our idiosyncratic ways instead of allowing them to drive us insane.  When I called my friend Suzanne to tell her that I might be just a little late to pick up her son she asked, “Is this going to be standard Jillian late or later?” The phrase, “To know me is to love me” never held so true.

As we get closer to the holidays my friends have been emerging from their busy schedules to shine their little lights on me and show me their love and I am filled with appreciation. They remind me that life is filled with treasures and all one has to do is slow down a little to find and appreciate them. I also am grateful for my online friends who pack a world of insight into every comment that they make on my posts.

And so I end this little love fest by thanking you, my friends, my family and my readers, for being you and for lifting me up to greater heights as I live my life. You fill me with warmth and happiness and I love you all.

Love you, see you, mean it!

MICHELE

MELANIE

GRETCHEN

STEPH

PATTY AND JEN

PAM

SHELLY

CATHY

and Tori, Liz and Mary, Suzanne, Karen, Jody, Marilyn, Birgit and Neil, Adair, Tucker, Peter, Karl, Poopsie, Lauren, Beth, Elizabeth, Dede, Stars, Kir, Lisa, Seana, Deborah and so many more. I wish I had photos of all of you to share.

Love you all!!!