Detachment – Saving our Planet
Life can be so hilarious sometimes, although I am not always laughing.
Take the other day for example, my girlfriends and I were having a long overdue rendezvous and as our little ones shot nerf darts at each other Gretchen mentioned that she felt it was okay to try to save the world as long as we knew how to detach ourselves from our cause. I wondered what she was talking about? How can one be so attached to a cause and yet detached at the same time?
The next day I was at the drive through at the bank and I noticed that all of the people waiting in line had their engines running, despite the signs plastered everywhere to turn off their engines to help reduce their carbon emissions.
My blood began to boil as I observed the happy, smiling people chatting on their cell phones, oblivious to their wrongdoing and I fought back the urge to make a public scene and end up on the front page of the paper with the headlines, “Mother in Flaming Mini Van Fights to Decrease Global Warming at the Drive Through”. Is that what Gretchen meant by detachment? To care, but to not impose your views aggressively onto others?
The day after that, after a week of suffering back spasms and missing the epic week of skiing of the year, I realized that my smiling philosophy was in bad need of an adjustment and so I went to The Win Health Institute in Basalt to take their weight lifting class, which offered a pay by donation policy.
As my luck would have it, I had gotten the schedule mixed up and so decided to work out in the gym. I am not much of a gym rat and usually take my pent up aggression outdoors or to the yoga room for release, where I can meditate in my own space and not be subjected to or subject myself to the energy of others. Inevitably I got into an altercation with a tall, thin, manicured women who clearly needed to be going nowhere fast on the treadmill next to me.
Being technically challenged, I was surprised to suddenly hear my friend talking to me through my earphones as I listened to my iPod on my iPhone.
I hung up three minutes later and thought that I overheard the woman say to her boyfriend, “I just love listening to other people’s conversations when they are on their cell phones.” Not able to hear very well with my dance music thumping in my ears, I mistakenly took her sarcasm for humor and said, “So was it good for you too?” Her face became very red and she began to sputter, pointing to the enormous NO CELL PHONE signs that were…plastered everywhere.
She did not accept my apology and continued to whine and my friends on the treadmill next to me mentioned that they thought this would be good blog fodder. Agreeing with them, I couldn’t help but deliver some sass and toy with her for just a bit, even though I was empathetic with her dislike for PDC’s, public displays of conversations.
As usual Karma kicked in later that day and my horrible spasms returned full force. When will I learn that my hot temper and sass feel good when in action but ALWAYS cost me, later.
And so I have learned a life lesson and am now very clear about Gretchen’s words of wisdom. You can try your best to teach people how to help make our world a better place but if you become so attached to your cause that you offend people, than you just may invoke the opposite reaction to your desired outcome.
PS – Please visit my good friend SuZen at her blog, Erasing the Bored, to get better informed about our food.
March 1st, 2010 at 9:02 am
Loved the article and your life lesson!
xoxo
March 1st, 2010 at 9:15 am
Hi Jillian!
Loved this post – got my own sass going, haha! Thanks so much for referral! I hope I’ve provided enough info to get EVERYone’s sass going!
suzen´s last blog ..A Lesson from Kids on Food Additives!
March 1st, 2010 at 10:13 am
Perhaps it’s all in the “delivery”. Let’s all take more responsibility for our actions whether it’s letting the car run or … talking on our cell phones!
March 1st, 2010 at 10:25 am
Oh man, I hate it when my karma catches up with me like that…I always feel put in my place and it makes me grumpy! And then I remember I am an adult….oops. I think it’s a great point though that you are making – it’s likely we want people to join our causes, not be offended by us. This post made me ponder by actions…
- Swati
ps no worries on missing that 1 week of skiing – you live in the right place for more such weeks!
Swati Bharteey´s last blog ..I’m Up in a Tree and Feeding Penny Pig
March 1st, 2010 at 12:22 pm
Hi Jillian – It’s taken me too long to get back to your blog – I really enjoyed this post! I think part of being able to deliver a message others are able to digest, is making clear that you hear what they have to say as well. It’s hard to do when we feel passionately about our own cause, but it’s really the only way to educate and change minds. Thanks for this!
Peryl
Parenting ad absurdum´s last blog ..The (somewhat questionable) wisdom of children
March 1st, 2010 at 12:55 pm
Hi Jillian,
Thanks for sharing such a great post. It’s definitely left me with something to think about. I wonder if we can apply your theory to marriage as well. I feel very strongly about my husband not resting his wet wash cloth on my dry towel. Maybe if I detach myself a little from the cause, he’ll just get it. I’ll have to try that!
Heather´s last blog ..Operation: Advice Solicitation
March 1st, 2010 at 1:38 pm
I’ve discovered that it’s better for me to lead by example. If I want others to love the environment (and protect it), then before I can pass judgment on them for NOT doing something I think they should be doing, I need to make sure I’m doing everything I can to love the environment, too.
There’s always something more we can be doing to help the environment, though, isn’t there? You and I sitting on computers is NOT helping the environment in the grander sense. We’re squandering electricity, causing plastics to be produced, etc. And yet, those things often slip our minds.
The people who sit idly in their cars at the bank could later return home to solar-powered houses with eco-friendly sewage systems and may also be donating thousands of dollars a month to environmental causes. We just never know. We like to think we know, and it’s human nature to pass judgment on a person’s entire being based on the snapshot we see, but that’s not acting from a place of love.
Human nature is funny that way, and we’re all prone to it. Maybe the best we can do is to have compassion for ourselves, and extend that same compassion out to others. Again, leading by example.
I think you’re doing great in this world, and love reading your stories each week. Thanks for being bold and sharing them!
Now, please rest your back, and have a joyful Monday! (smile)
Megan “JoyGirl!” Bord´s last blog ..SURPRISE! Spread Joy, Have Fun
March 1st, 2010 at 10:22 pm
Hi Jillian.
I love that you too do not always know what these concepts like ‘being detached’ mean. As I certainly did not learn them when I was young, I now have to learn to really understand them and I, like you, have to get it by practicing and observing how I go.
I do congratulate you on doing that well, you have observed and got the lesson from your mistakes and actions.
At least you are genuine, in action and getting the message. xox Wilma
March 3rd, 2010 at 12:23 am
I empathsize with you. I have had moments when I sought to assert myself by pointing out another’s rudeness in a not so kind manner, or made a snap judgment and acted upon it without understanding completely. I always end up feeling like a turd afterwards. I agree with Megan, you never know what is really going on.
Exercising tolerance and compassion to a great degree is important in our society. So much craziness occurs because someone was not tolerant. I wish more people would be willing to perform self examination as you do so often, maybe we would all get along better. Anyway, I hope your back gets better soon- I know you have been itching to ski for some time now!
Also, thank you very much for the thoughtful comments you leave on my site. I always look forward to reading them and have great admiration and respect for you. Thank you.
Vivianne´s last blog ..The Face of Domestic Violence
March 4th, 2010 at 7:52 am
Hi Wilma,
Thank you for your praise. Sometimes I’m good and sometimes I’m very, very bad but regardless, I keep practicing like you say.
March 4th, 2010 at 7:53 am
Megan,
As always, you so deeply tap into the heart of the problem and I want you to know that I so appreciate the time that you take to comment on my posts. It is all about trying not to judge isn’t it? and of course…love.
March 4th, 2010 at 7:55 am
Hi Heather,
You couldn’t have tapped more deeply into a subject that I think about all the time, marriage. You do have to trust your partner and know that even if he is doing something differently than you might like, there is value in his actions…if you can remain detached from your ideas of how he should respond.
March 4th, 2010 at 7:56 am
Hello Parenting ad aburdum,
Yes….listen and you will be heard.
March 4th, 2010 at 7:57 am
Hello Swati,
We are a work in progress but at least we are willing to take the course that life offers us and sometimes fail.
March 4th, 2010 at 7:58 am
Michele,
You always were the sensible one in the family, every family needs a sibling like you!
March 4th, 2010 at 7:59 am
Hi SuZen,
Yes, your sass shines through in every post.
March 7th, 2010 at 10:22 am
I can’t decide if I’d be the snarky lady pointing to the “no cell phone” signs or you with the smile and sarcasm.
I’m a bit of both, I suppose, depending if I have my phone with me or not. I hope you’re doing well! Happy Sunday.
March 7th, 2010 at 11:44 pm
There’s my Tooj,
Great to always hear from you. I think I’m a bit of both as well but the difference is that I listen when people explain.