Am I a Goddess?
Most of us don’t wear pointy, golden brassieres or sexy tight cat suits so it may not be so obvious but I am convinced that all mothers are either Super Hero’s or Goddesses. Personally, I am far from being Helen of Troy or Hestia I feel as though I am more of a cross between Hera and Aphrodite with a little Medusa thrown in.
In the past three months my superhuman powers have reached dangerously high toxic levels as I managed to survive four birthdays, an attempted anniversary celebration and Halloween. Throw in a few child medical emergencies, struggling finances, a bronchial cold that nearly killed me and the full moon and there you have it, Goddess extraordinaire straight out of Greek Mythology. Like the Goddesses I have accepted my fate laced with imperfections and obstacles that I must overcome.
I read an article in the New York Times that said that screaming is the new spanking and I couldn’t relate more. The boys have a difficult time settling down in the evenings and the crazier they get the louder Wade and I become with our shouting. Yes, I know that yelling at your children is ineffective, most of the time, and only causes them to withdraw but I honestly feel that sometimes they need a little shout for them to actually hear my message.
On a good day I am an Opera singer, hitting a high note and holding it until they stop their monkeying around to curiously find out what the hell is making more noise then they are. On a recent predominantly bad day, I was less attractive in my mode of discipline. I had absolutely had enough of being manipulated by my incredibly obnoxious wild things and so I yelled out, “How much do you think that mommy and daddy will take of this behavior before we decide to move out?”
Let me explain for a moment. The impetus for this comment was the children’s book, The Willoughby’s, by Lois Lowry and the excerpt that I cannot seem to shake is the following:
“Dearest?”
“Yes, dearest?”
“Do you like our children?”
“Oh, no,” Mrs. Willoughby said, “I never have. Especially that tall one. What is his name again?”
“Hes’ the one I least like. But the others are awful too. The girl whines incessantly”.
“I have a plan,” Mr. Willoughby said, “It’s thoroughly despicable.”
“Lovely”, said his wife. “A plan for what?”
“To rid us of the children.”
“Oh goodness, do we have to walk them into a dark forest? I don’t have the right shoes for that.”
“No, this is a better plan. More business like.”
“Ooooh, goody. I’m all ears,” she replied with a malevolent smile.
I felt badly when all three boys broke down into tears after I said it and I tried to explain my outburst individually to each child. I was stroking my middle child, Axel’s, soft hair and looking down at his sweet face when he asked, “Why would you ever leave us?”
I wanted to jump out of the window for failing so miserably as a mother. Why couldn’t I have delivered my message without upsetting them so? I told him that enough was enough and that they needed to give their daddy and I the respect that we deserved as parents and calm down when it was time for bed.
If only I truly were a Goddess, I could cause a mini cyclone as a warning in the midst of their rough housing or maybe I am a Goddess and haven’t fully tapped into it yet. After all, I have been known to be fierce, loving, warrior like, sexual and even narcissistic at times.
So, move over Zeus and make a well deserved seat for me on Mount Olympus and while you’re at it hand me over one of your lightening bolts.
November 5th, 2009 at 7:57 am
Well put on the sexy tights with the pointy golden brazier! That way everyone will know.
November 5th, 2009 at 8:18 am
Well, duh. Of course, we’re superhuman. Welcome to Mt. Olympus, here’s your lightening bolt, & cocktails are at 5pm.
November 5th, 2009 at 8:36 am
Oh my goodness, well that’s quite a story. At least you were able to a.) get their attention, and b.) explain to them afterward that you didn’t really mean it but needed a stop-gap between their raucous behavior and your need for peace and being listened to.
Maybe they’ll remember that when they get older, and maybe they won’t. Trust that it happened in perfect order for the highest good of all. That’s the only way I can live my life these days — trusting that it’s all intended somehow, and leading to the best that’s yet to come.
November 5th, 2009 at 8:36 am
This is why I love your blog. When you write like this I just smile, feeling totally understood.
November 5th, 2009 at 9:14 am
Add honesty and humility to your Godess qualities! Because you know we have all had these moments! I love the line “screaming has replaced spanking”!
November 5th, 2009 at 10:39 am
Hey, we must be leading parallel lives or something. I screamed at my kids this morning, letting them know I was totally sick of being a policeman all the time.
November 5th, 2009 at 11:22 am
Oh Jillian, been there! One time I actually DID get in my car, drove to a park and cried. All I wanted was some peace – and respect. I did the opera voice singing “Peace and love” – that worked some of the time. Sending them to summer camp was THE best thing I did, as selfish as that may sound. I lived all year waiting for that! Amazing how just the thought of it got me thru some pretty awful crap.
I look back on it now and really think I was TOO available, TOO much into it, invested too much of my emotional bank into their (obnoxious) behavior. Things changed when I got a little more independent, worked part time and insisted on creating a niche for myself, like a life, apart from them. I gave them more responsibilities (since mom is now working!) and it was a rough adjustment but well worth it. I only wish I’d done it sooner! One of my bigger “duh’s”! Take this for what it’s worth – and have a drink on me!
November 5th, 2009 at 1:32 pm
Suzen,
I wanted you to know that you have helped me to calm down a little with my expectations of myself.
Just yesterday, I baked two cakes for Axel’s birthday and started to run out of time. Your words came to mind and I told myself not to panic, Axel would be fine if I brought the cakes in the next day.
I cherish your advice!
November 5th, 2009 at 1:33 pm
Marilyn,
I love the way you think!
November 5th, 2009 at 1:33 pm
Elizabeth, I am glad that I can touch a chord within you and make you smile!
November 5th, 2009 at 1:34 pm
Megan,
I live my life by trusting fate but sometimes I need to take some responsibility for it as well.
November 5th, 2009 at 11:15 pm
Oh gosh, you’re funny. I’m glad I’m not the only who yells (a little bit, okay a lot) at my crazy kids. Perhaps I’ll head to Nordstom tomorrow and fetch a golden bra…
November 7th, 2009 at 10:46 pm
One of my current vows is to yell less. It’s hard sometimes because it feels so good when your children are out of control, like a release. But we can’t all be perfect all the time, can we?
PS: We go to Aspen every summer. I love it there!
November 9th, 2009 at 8:49 am
Ohhhh, I’ve been there. Does that mean I’m a ‘Goddess’ too?
November 9th, 2009 at 2:46 pm
So I’m just visiting your blog from MBC (the FM group)..and am so glad I did. You’re hilarious and this post (as well as your others) made me smile. My kind of blog. I’m currently “following” you via subscription.
I just started my blog and I’d love for you to stop by my page. http://adventuresofa1sttimemommy.blogspot.com/
Keep up the great work on your blog!
November 10th, 2009 at 5:40 pm
OH no! my comment didn’t make it…
I think I wrote, Mt. Olympus is a bit far, but the Olympic mountains are farily close
A little scare might not be a bad thign for the kids
When my babies were little and used to cry all the time, I used to sing, “mommy’s going to run away” in a lullabuy tone. It made both of us feel better
December 7th, 2009 at 9:46 pm
Wow! You couldn’t have explained it any better. I love your writing, full of humor and thought-provoking at the same time. Am following you from MBC. Visit me if you get a chance. http://superheroesmom.com (Insights From a Superhero’s Mom)
December 8th, 2009 at 8:41 am
We moms often use our superhero qualities without even realizing it: using our eyes in the back of our heads, the incredible healing power of our kisses on boo-boos, the super strength required to hold a child in one hand and make dinner with the other. And if we occasionally forget, in frustration, and use our superpower voice–at least we remember to say we’re sorry. Great post!
December 8th, 2009 at 8:30 pm
What a great post! Stuff comes out of my mouth that I have to back pedal on too…good to know I am not alone!
Swati
p.s. and I scream too….
December 9th, 2009 at 12:58 pm
Hi there! I love your website. So real and honest. I wish I could say I didn’t, but I scream too and say things that I wish I didn’t to my children. I don’t feel like a goddess or a superhero most of the time. Most of the time I feel like a slob who rarely changes her clothes and whose house is covered in cracker crumbs, cheese bits, and errant macaroni and cheese. But I think there is also this false idea out there that moms are supposed to be perfect. It’s impossible to achieve, so we have to accept that even though we make all kinds of mistakes, we love our children and do the best we can. Might be fun to wear tights and a pointy bra though…
organicmotherhoodwithcoolwhip.com
December 10th, 2009 at 8:55 am
Hello Naomi,
That is what Halloween is for. This past Halloween I was a mommy blogger and trick or treated in the clothes I had slept in the night before. Perhaps next year I’ll dawn a golden rope!
December 10th, 2009 at 8:56 am
Hello Swati,
I guess we all need to let ourselves go every now and then. All we can do is try to behave!!
January 9th, 2010 at 12:50 pm
My mother once told me something that made me feel so much better – she commented that she wished she had yelled less at me and my brother. She remembers, but I don’t. I remember the bowls of popcorn waiting for us when we came through the back door after school. I remember the warm home, love.
What we all need to remember is to go easy on ourselves, because oh yeah, I can yell. And feel guilty as hell afterwards. I keep trying.
em´s last blog ..F.F.F.T. – Smoke and X-rays.